Giving up, when marriage gets tough. 7/21/14

 After more than twenty years of marriage, I am still learning what it takes for a good marriage.
We are creatures of habit, and some of those habits can cause rifts and resentments that can fester if the annoyed spouse doesn't say something, or if the offending spouse continues the action without regard for others.
 We have been working out issues throughout our relationship, most are small things that add up over time. I never made an issue about the toilet seat being up, or not refilling the paper roll, but putting different types of laundry together in the wash drives my crazy. I try to stay calm and teach him and the kids why to do things a certain way if it is important to me, but I don't think I get too overbearing. I am usually very calm, and treat them the way I expect to be treated. That is where I gave up trying to control everything and let them find out why it is important. If they go to use paper and it is empty they may be more likely to remember next time.
 Some arguments stem from piles of papers,books and others miscellaneous things around me. I am a serial piler upper and it really annoys my husband. He is a neat nik and wants things put away right away,in their proper place. I do try,but get easily distracted and get around to it much later. Then, he gets annoyed and yells and curses and I get offended or hurt at the words he says.It was a pattern of behavior was both got into.
 We have argued about things small and big, and we usually talk it out, or brush it off. We found out that what have been doing is brushing it under a big rug called resentment, and it came uncovered a week ago.
  We were arguing about something that seemed small, a disagreement didn't think was a big deal. He, on the other hand, thought I was against him and got seriously mad and said some things he later regretted. This was where I gave up on working things out and said I was leaving.
I was completely serious and started planning to move. He was stunned and panicked. I just had enough of the nonsense. I was, and still am, very hurt. He he since made some serious changes and says he is working on being more considerate. He met with the pastor and seems genuinely ready to give up his anger issues as well as trying to make me more like himself.
 A friend sent me a link to a couple who have been through similar problems. We read it together and I can truly say it has helped both of us in different ways. This was the first article we read together: http://www.marriagetoday . He was excited at the prospect of having another chance. I am still skeptical of the promise of change,but I do want to work things out for the better.
 I realized what I really had to give up was my own sense of finding fault in everything he did wrong. I have to give up holding in how I feel and not hold onto wrong doings. I have to give up the feeling of being alone and open myself  up to trust again,which is not an easy thing.
  He found these words written in the Good Book:
 1 Corinthians 13:4-8New King James Version (NKJV)
⁴ Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; ⁵ does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; ⁶ does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; ⁷ bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.⁸ Love never fails.

 I didn't tell him that we have had a framed print of those words in our living room for at least ten years, and I have read them as a reminder many times. I am going to move it toanother place so we can see it daily.
  So, what we should give up is not trying to work out the issues in the relationship, but the preconceived notions that our needs are greater than others'. When we seek God's way first,together, it should be easier than doing it our own way. 
We have been sharing things more and praying together more. I am still working on opening my heart after being hurt, but he has been understanding and is giving me space and time to heal. It is his good heart that has kept me here all these years. 
One word for those who are hurting...HOPE. As long as you want to try, there is always hope.
You can do as we are, and give up trying it on your own, and work together to strengthen your relationship.We plan on getting counseling to continue our journey and hope it helps even more.
I don't know if this has made any difference to you, but it is what is on my heart to share right now.
I wish the best for you.
Love and blessings,
LC

My current heart notions..6/29/14

  I haven't updated here for a while;but I have posted a few photos on my photo blog , but not much more than that.
 Lately, I have been feeling out of sorts,possibly depression, or something similar. Basically, I have been in a funk and didn't want to do anything but take naps or long walks. I don't have thoughts of anything bad, just feel indifferent to everything.
  I'm guessing it has to do with changes around me. My adult kids live in SC and I miss them dearly. The oldest has been married four years to a wonderful guy who takes terrific care of her. My middle girl moved with them for a few months and will be attending college there this Fall. She is here briefly this Summer, but is a camp counselor at Camp Good News , but is only here briefly on Saturday. We spend time chatting and take walks together in the evening.
  My son just turned nine and bugs me constantly to play water balloon fight, but I am allergic to latex balloons. So, he bugs me to go swimming or to just do something. Anything! I have to force myself to do something without grumbling and feeling tired. I did get checked by the Dr and was sent for blood work, but the results have not gotten back yet. He thinks it could be either hormonal peri menopause, thyroid or  anemia. I should kn ow in a few days.
  My job is also shifting. I have been working as a Para educator part time for several years, but am changing to full time, which will include working Summer school all of July. The trade off of working in the heat is getting paid for it. Paras do not get paid during vacations.
  I have been working on transforming the office/play room/catch all room for my Mom's visit. She is coming at the end of July and staying for two weeks. She has diabetes, and neuropathy in her feet pretty bad. I need to make room for a wheel chair to fit around the house and fit the bathroom for her to use the shower safely. I also need to plan low carb,low sugar meals and snacks. That should be the norm anyway, but we like our sweets and carbs! Good thing it will be the season for fresh fruits and vegs at the Farmers markets.
  Some things I would like to do this Summer are: fishing, shopping, visit an aquarium,science museum, see something new. I would like to do something relaxing, without having a nine year old nagging me to do something more. Selfish, I know. But, a mom can wish..

Me,feeding sunfish. I caught it,for a minute. The one that got away..

 I will post more about these things as they pass, possibly post pics on the photo blog.
  Thanks for reading this, I just needed to vent my thoughts.
Hope you have a great day!
~LC

My Ancestry, as I know it

 I have always been interested in family history and genealogy. I think it began when my Mom would take us to old cemeteries in RI and Mass. and we would talk about what their lives may have been like.  My mother's parents were from very different backgrounds. Her father, Henri Larue's, family was from Canada. He had a large family, about 12 in all. His wife, Dorothy, my grandmother,had the maiden name Winsor, a descendant of the Windsors in England. When they emigrated to America in 1664/7, they dropped the 'd to distance themselves from the family ties in England. My ancestors helped Roger Williams start Rhode Island as a state, and one of them married a daughter of Roger Williams,Mercy (Williams)Waterman. There were several Reverends in the Winsor line who served in churches in RI.
 My father's family is also a mix of backgrounds. His mother's family emigrated from Galicia, Austria,Ukraine. Her father's surname was Glowacki. Her mother's maiden name was (Tekla) Szewczuk. They both were from the same area in Galicia, but he emigrated through Canada, and stayed with family, and she came through Ellis Island. They reconnected in RI, where they married and raised a family, My grandmother,Mary(/Marie), Sophie, Josie, Annie, and an uncle
 My father's father was Glodome Bernache. His last name should have been Berneche, but a mistake on his birth certificate was never corrected, so it became permanent. He was a cobbler in Woonsocket,RI, also served as a Master Sergeant in the ARMY,but I don't know more than that. 
 I will post more on this,including pics from the family album, this summer as time allows.

Importance of reading labels,esp meds

A short story on the importance of reading the entire label,on everything.
While dealing with my cold symptoms, I used the kids' cold/allergy meds because I like the flavor better. When it was the middle of the night and I was still awake from a hacking cough,I resorted to taking Robitussin cough relief. After about an hour I was still coughing,and felt worse. I went to lie down on the couch and tried resting,but my insides felt swollen and had a burning sensation. It was difficult to get a good breath and felt as though something was blocking my trachea. After debating in my mind what could be causing the symptoms, it occurred to me to look more closely at the ingredients of the cough syrup.I mustered up the energy and read the front label.It had Dextro...plus some alcohol,not a problem,then I looked at the Inactive ingredients and found the culprit. Menthol! I am allergic to menthol,and here I just consumed it.No wonder I felt awful,it was a reaction.I took some liquid motrin because a pill wouldn't have made it down.Then went to bed and waited.I slowly felt my breath return and my heart rate went back to normal. My insides still ache,but at least I can breath and swallow again.I had no idea I was so allergic to menthol,and will be sure to check all meds in the future.

Cooking with my son

 My son is eight years old and wants to learn how to cook. He often stands right by my side, and tries to be in front a few times, and watches closely how the food is prepared.
We make eggs, pasta, mini pizzas, beef stew, and other dishes.
Here is the link to when we made English muffin pizzas.
http://lorilcnhphotojournal.blogspot.com/2014/01/making-mini-pizzaswith-kids.html

I have a feeling he may take over cooking for the family when he's able to use the stove himself, and I am okay with that ;)
Ciao,
~Lori

One Way Love, Book review

  I received this book to review at a critical time for me, as I have been going through some personal changes and wasn't sure I wanted to hear how much grace God wanted to offer me to get through it. I put off reading it until I knew I got to the end of 'self' and really do need to turn to Him for His guidance.

    One Way Love, by Tullian Tchividjian

 The first thing I agree with in his book is when he states, we love in a society that runs on performancism. Feeling the need to look good on the outside, at whatever risk it takes. When we see grace for what it really is, there is no more reason to put on a mask.

   His open,honest writing about his journey from grace to grace kept me comparing my own life and how I look to myself for answers rather than the Word. If you are interested in reading about Inhaustable grace in an exhausted world, this is the book for you.

For more info,you can click on these links:

 http://www.onewaylovebook.com/

 http://www.gotothehub.com/the-gospel-tour/

About One Way Love

Real life is long on law and short on grace—the demands never stop, the failures pile up, and fear sets in. Life requires many things from us—a stable marriage, successful children, a certain quality of life. Anyone living inside the guilt, anxiety, and uncertainty of daily life knows that the weight of life is heavy. We are all in need of some relief.

Bestselling author Tullian Tchividjian is convinced our world needs a fresh encounter with grace.

Written by:William Graham Tullian Tchividjian (pronounced cha-vi-jin)

Publisher: David C Cook

Paperback:  240 pages 

Release Date: October 1, 2013

$14.99

"Disclosure of Material Connection:

 I received one or more of the products or services mentioned above for free in the hope that I would mention it on my blog. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers.

I am disclosing this in accordance with

 the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255:

                "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."

But, I would have wanted to tell you all about it, regardless of the rules J

My first MRI experience...

During a recent annual physical, my physician asked me if I had any issues I wanted to mention. I said I have been getting headaches and a stiff neck for several months. She checked my neck and found the area on the let side swollen and tender. She recommended I have an x-ray taken of my cervical spine. I went later that day. It went well, but the weirdest shot was when I had to keep my mouth open to have an x-ray taken through my mouth to get the back of the neck.
  When the results were in a few days later, the doc said it looked like I may have some degeneration and maybe arthritis,but they wanted to know the full extent of it, so she suggested an MRI of the area. I have heard of people having MRIs done. My husband has done service on a few, but I had no idea what it was really like. That changed a week later. I was first offered a chance to have an open MRI done, which is good for those who are claustrophobic because it has on open side. I haven't had those tendencies, so I opted for a full scan to get a better picture of the area.
  My husband coached me what to do before and during the procedure. He had one done before, so he knew what to expect. I already knew not to wear any metal of any kind, due to the magnet. The entire machine is a huge magnet, hence the name, Magnetic Resonance Imaging.
  He said the machine was very noisy and clanged a lot,but I had to stay very still during the procedure or the scan would blur and we would have to re do the whole thing.
  I went in the waiting area, they asked me if I had any metal implants or pace maker,or any chance of metal being in my eyes. I answered no to each. I wore sweat pants without metal to avoid having to put on a jonny. An older man  called me from the desk, and asked me if I had any metal on. They are very overly cautious about this matter because it can be extremely dangerous if anyone did bring metal in the MRI room.
  He led me down a few halls and in to an area that looked like a loading dock. We stepped onto a large metal industrial size lift,like an elevator,which brought us up to the room before the MRI. I was surprised they allowed me to wear my sneakers that far,and to see metal objects in that area. I was getting nervous,but kept taking deep breaths. They explained what would happen during the MRI and that I needed to stay still. Also, I could let them know at any time if I needed to stop.

How I felt at the exam.

We walked into the room,it was quieter than I expected,but I wasn't in it, yet. They asked me what type of music I like, and offered a few options. I chose acoustic guitar. The machine was large,but I could only see the front part. I think there was a plexi glass window they could watch from. They showed me how to lie down, head first toward the tunnel. They placed a bolster under my knees and a blanket on my legs,by request. This was when I took my husband's excellent advice and closed my eyes. They placed a light weight on my chest to help me stay still and placed the MRI receiver over my head,but I didn't look at it until the end of the procedure.
 The table slid into the magnet and the technician asked me if I was ok. yes, I was as Ok as I was going to be at this point. They had given me a button to hold in case I needed to stop at any time.
 She said the first scan would be two minutes. The sound was loud,but not not deafening, but it did drown out the calming guitar sounds. I tried breathing normally,but not move. Challenging,but not impossible. I was trying to think of ways to distract my mind from thinking of having to stay still.
I still kept my eyes closed and envisioned my happy place,currently a fishing spot along the Connecticut River in NH. The noise disrupted my thoughts as a large power boat sped by,creating an awful wake.
 The grinding noise stopped and she said I could relax a minute before the next round. I listened to calming sounds of guitar playing over the speaker. She asked if I was ok, I was 'fine'. lol.
She said the next scan would be about four minutes. The soothing guitar strumming was over powered by sounds of loud beeps and other unknown sounds. Nothing moved, just a lot of sound. This time, I thought about the guitar music and imagined watching it being played in a remote, quiet place.
It was about this time my feet got restless. My feet like being free to move and shift and wiggle. This was not a good time for them to dance. At the end of four minutes,I asked if I could move them a little, the said ok,just don't move my neck or upper body. I shifted my knees a little and wiggled my feet, just enough to tell them to be still now.
 When I said I was set, she said the next scan would be about five minutes. I breathed deeply,tried to just stay calm and keep my eyes closed.It sounded as though I were in the back seat of a car in an auto body shop. Lots of sounds, but I knew I was safe. I decided to distract my mind by thinking of characteristics of God, by the alphabet. A= He is awesome, all powerful, amen, all present B= He is beloved, brilliant, etc. all the way to z. It didn't take all five minutes, so I did it a second time.
  When the five minutes were done, my legs were tired from trying to keep still. My knees kept wanting to shift the entire time, but I didn't want to start the procedure all over again.
 She again asked if I was ok, I said yes. And was 'rewarded' with her telling me this last set would take about seven minutes. Oh, great! The last set, but seven minutes seemed like fifteen this time. It still sounded as though I were in an auto body shop,with air tools whirring and motors running. Just the smell of oil and fuel was missing. My mind wandered and I tried staying as relaxed as possible, keeping my knees and feet still and my eyes closed. I added the time I was in there. 7+5+4+2=18 ,plus a minute or so between,= about 21 or so minutes.
 When the last scan was done, I opened my eyes. The receiver over my head looked like a small tent, not too close to my face. I could have had my eyes opened and not have had any problems, but I guess it was ok in  the end. My ears were so thankful, as well as my legs and feet. Yay, they could finally move!
 The technician said the results would be sent to my physician. The old guy brought me back to the waiting room to get my belongings out of the locker, and I was on my way.
 I called my physician a week later and was told the same results as the x-rays. There are signs of early arthritis and degeneration, but nothing major. Great,I went through all that for nothing? well, at least I can know what people are talking about when they roll their eyes when discussing having an MRI. It isn't painful, but is not something I want to do again any time soon.
  I went to a PT to find out what I can do to relieve the pain, and he gave me a simple exercise of rolling a towel behind my cervical spine and put it in different places along my back to loosen the spine. Not a very elaborate or difficult solution, but he said it would help alleviate some of the pain in my body.
  Have you had an MRI? What do you do when waiting for extended periods of time?
Feel free to leave a comment.
Grace and blessings,
Lori LC
 

I am Second

Do you ever feel overwhelmed with life? Wish you had someone to understand what you are going through? Someone to talk to.
I am Second is a movement meant to inspire people of all kinds to live for God and for others. Actors. Athletes. Musicians. Business leaders. Drug addicts. Your next-door neighbor. People like you. The authentic stories on iamsecond.com provide insight into dealing with typical struggles of everyday living. These are stories that give hope to the lonely and the hurting, help from destructive lifestyles, and inspiration to the unfulfilled. You’ll discover people who’ve tried to go it alone and have failed. Find the hope, peace, and fulfillment they found. How to be Second.
You are here for a reason. I am Second is designed to help people discover their purpose in life.
We all have needs and could use some help. There are resources you, or someone you know who needs support, to talk with a person who understands.

Call, chat, or email. 24 hours a day.

Resources: 

Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/Iam2nd.Nashville

Twitter: https://twitter.com/IamSecond

Website:  http://www.iamsecond.com

Let your stumbling block become a stepping stone, reach out to either give or receive help in a caring way. You'll find being second is the best place to be =)

Love and blessings,

Lori LC

Tyndale Rewards for those who like free stuff ;)

Do you enjoy receiving books and other items for free? Then this may be the place for you to sign up.

As a member of the Tyndale Rewards program, you’ll have access to inspiring literature, Bibles, special promotional offers, and much more.
There is no purchase necessary.
 To collect points, you can share the site with friends, take surveys, sign up for E-newsletters and E-devotionals, review items, and share on your favorite social network sites.
To redeem your points for the product you want, just click the “Redeem” button. Your points will never expire, though the inventory may change occasionally.
For more info about the Tyndale Rewards program, check out the links below.

 http://www.tyndalerewards.com/signup/?pc=hna4-2vi7-f8px-jl35

Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xi_6WtNV2H4&feature=player_embedded

 

As a member, you automatically earn 10 points toward a FREE book or Bible!
Here's what you get:
Books and Bibles—did we mention they're FREE? Birthday gift FREE downloads Prize drawings And so much more This is a great opportunity to share the good news with everyone who likes a good deal!                                                                                                                                          (  The Tyndale Rewards program is available for US residents only.)

Love and blessings,
Lori LC

Alone,Yet Not Alone, Book review

 

  I have always enjoyed reading historical fiction, especially when it is a member of the family writing about their ancestors.

  Alone yet not alone is a book written based on a true story; one of faith and perseverance.

I was inspired at  how Tracy Leiningee Craver recounted the faith-testing they endured, but they remained steadfast in their promise to each other to keep the song in their heart.

Here is an excerpt about the story,
which has been filmed as a major motion picture,
 and is due to be realeased September 27, 2013!
"Settled in the Blue Mountains of Pennsylvania, deep within America's new frontier, the Leininger family celebrates the blessings of a beautiful homestead and bountiful harvest. That is, until tragedy strikes with the beginning of the French and Indian War and the devastating raid known as the Penn's Creek Massacre. 

The lives of this simple, God-fearing family are forever altered when Barbara and Regina, two young sisters, are carried away by the Delaware tribe. Driven by their faith in God and the powerful bonds of family, Barbara and Regina hold firmly to the belief that they are never alone, even in their darkest hour, and that they will be reunited again. 

Rich in historical details, Alone Yet Not Alone is an inspirational, true story of a family caught in the cross fire of the French and Indian War. "
 Based on a true story and Awarded 5 Doves from the Dove Foundation!

Stay Connected: 

** Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/aloneyetnotalone 
>>>Watch the Movie Trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3n0TORpISk8

Movie Twitter: https://twitter.com/AYNAthemovie

>> Movie Website: http://www.aloneyetnotalone.com