Wednesday, January 3, 2018

Happy New Year 2018 ! and updates on the past year, which was not so happy

As I type the words Happy New Year,I am remembering so many events that happened in the last 12 months. A year ago I was living in a house with my family, which we shared for about 23 years. I had an adorable kitty named Kenzie, and we were all seemingly settling in after a nice Christmas break.
 Appearances can be deceiving, as I have known most of my life. We appeared to be getting along, but most family and friends who have known us for a while have known there was always an underlying current of instability and domestic tension.
  A year later, and our family dynamics have been ripped apart, because I chose to leave someone who I believe is a bi-polar narcissistic dominating man. I had left in the past, but stayed when his promises to change seemed sincere. He said he would stop drinking, swearing, using vulgar expletives against me and the kids. He said he would renew his fervor for the Lord and attend church regularly and be a better father and husband.And that he would never use physical force on any of us ever again.I really wanted to believe him because I did love him and I wanted him to be all those things he was promising to be. He does have a big heart to help others and he is very intelligent.
  The times we got along were beautiful moments. We hiked together, went boating as a family, took family vacations. I took photos so we could remember there were good times between all the strife.
 Maybe I should have also photographed the bad to help remember why I left.
The last time I had left was when he had been drinking and said some pretty awful heart wrenching things to me. I packed my stuff and went looking for a place to move to with my son, who was 9 at the time. He had also had enough of the aggressive dominating rants and wanted to live in a calmer place with me. Due to certain circumstances, we had to delay leaving and I ended up, once again, listening to the apologies and promises of change. We started the book the Love Dare, he seemed to truly make changes and seemed like a different man. His demeanor was lighter and his words were kinder. he stopped drinking and rededicated his heart to God, even became an usher. I was wary, but started to allow my heart to open and wanted to feel the love I once had for him. I wanted to renew our vows and rekindle the spark we had before. It seemed we could have had a good marriage after all.
  That lasted about 6 months. I'm not sure when or how it happened, but I noticed subtle relapses. Just a curse word or brief slam of his fist on the desk,or quick undercutting remark. He started drinking a little, missed a few church services, resigned as usher. I was once again on edge and watched what I said to avoid confrontations, which often resulted in being called something or just being blown off. We did have some normal times, it was not always turbulent. He did buy me flowers,cards, tried to show me he loves me. I did do things for him to show I cared.
  For my birthday in February, we went out to dinner and shopped for a really nice winter jacket for me to stay warm. That was the last lovely day we spent together. In early March, his anger flared so violently, my son reported it to his teacher, who reported it to the police. We had to talk with the chief of police to discuss what happened. I left the day after it happened, a friend said she has the room for me and my son. The trouble this time was my son was 11 now and refused to leave his father. He felt guilty and didn't want the family to be split apart. I tried but failed to get him to go with me. He did go over my friends, but refused to leave his father. I eventually found a place in town and wanted my son to move in, but he refused.
  One thing that I did make a mistake about was getting involved with a male friend, who was also going through a tough time. We were just friends and spent time talking and encouraging each other. He never suggested I leave or ever showed interest in me except as a friend. He just talked to me about his hard ships and about how his faith in God has helped be strong through it all.
After I moved out, I was the one who sparked interest and was looking for the kindness and sweet words I craved for so long. He was just a friend and we got along well. I allowed myself to get involved too soon and it created an extremely complicated rift between my kids and me. They think he was the one who took advantage of my situation, but it was nothing like that. I wish they would understand what it was like for so long going through the motions with their father so long but not feel the emotions. They don't ever want to meet him and said they will not accept him if I continue seeing him. This has been very difficult because he has been the one who was my biggest support when things got tough. The kids supported their father, who played the victim very well. I stupidly allowed myself to agree not to use a lawyer or to ask for his retirement savings. At the time I just wanted a clear cut from him and all he stood for. His retirement fund was his idol for years, so I did not want any part of it. Now, I am struggling to pay my bills, gas and food. The loan for our daughter is in my name, but I am unable to pay it, so my credit is nose diving. So many little things I did not realize would be so hard,but I donot regret my decision to leave. I am learning to be stronger and how to do things for myself. I have also been helping my mother recover from having some surgeries, and she has been a tremendous support, which has been great! If it were not for having to care for her, I think I would have made some poor choices. I was extremely depressed and did not know if I wanted to care to go on. My kids seemed to care more about their father than me, and a few other factors were a severe strain on my emotional well being. Taking care of my mother was the only reason I stayed grounded and alive.
  The divorce was final 8/22/17, the same day I was with a good friend when she passed away from a terminal illness. It was sad to see her go, but somewhat a relief to know she was no longer suffering as she struggled for each breath she took. It was as though time stood still and the air got sucked out of the room. There are no words to say to a person whose mom just passed right before them. There are no actions to alleviate the deep sorrowful pain of losing someone so dear and sweet. All I could do was hold him when he cried and call people who needed to know. Just be there. But, I had to leave for the divorce hearing. The worse time to leave him as his mom was being taken away for the final time. It was more difficult leaving him at this moment than the day I left my old house.
  At the divorce hearing , the judge asked me if I was coerced into not taking half the retirement fund. I said what the agreement was. He asked the other party why he thought I wasn't taking it, he said, "She has a heart of gold!" And he smiled at me.I was so naive.
  This week is when the new year begins, and I can only imagine and hope that this year can only get better, because the only way to go is up. I am hoping for a year of reconciling with my kids and living in a stable, more peaceful home. To feel happy and confident that I made the right choices and to be able to have enough to help others as my friends have been doing for me.
  I would like to be in a relationship where I feel loved, cherished, respected and that I can open my heart to love fully without feeling like my vulnerabilities will be used against me. I would like to be with a man who always puts God first in every situation and won't let either of us compromise, no matter how hard it may seem at the moment. To gather in prayer for our needs, and to lift others up when they are in need. To be able to demolish the walls that have been built up over the years and forget the pain that caused them. I would like to have a home and not just a house. A home full of love, joy, peace and all the fruits of the Spirit and for us to be a loving blended family together.
  This is my hope for a happy new year. A  year of over flowing blessings in place of the sorrows of last year.


Thursday, February 16, 2017

Like I'm gonna lose you (cover/accompaniment)

Played by Jen Caouette

         



Like I'm Gonna Lose You
Meghan Trainor
I found myself dreaming
In silver and gold
Like a scene from a movie
That every broken heart knows we were walking on moonlight
And you pulled me close
Split second and you disappeared and then I was all alone
I woke up in tears
With you by my side
A breath of relief
And I realized
No, we're not promised tomorrow
So I'm gonna love you
Like I'm gonna lose you
I'm gonna hold you
Like I'm saying goodbye wherever we're standing
I won't take you for granted 'cause we'll never know when
When we'll run out of time so I'm gonna love you
Like I'm gonna lose you
I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you
In the blink of an eye
Just a whisper of smoke
You could lose everything
The truth is you never know
So I'll kiss you longer baby
Any chance that I get
I'll make the most of the minutes and love with no regrets
Let's take our time
To say what we want
Use what we got
Before it's all gone
'Cause no, we're not promised tomorrow
So I'm gonna love you
Like I'm gonna lose you
I'm gonna hold you
Like I'm saying goodbye wherever we're standing
I won't take you for granted 'cause we'll never know when
When we'll run out of time so I'm gonna love you
Like I'm gonna lose you
I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you
Hey
Whoa
I'm gonna love you
Like I'm gonna lose you
I'm gonna hold you
Like I'm saying goodbye wherever we're standing
I won't take you for granted 'cause we'll never know when
When we'll run out of time so I'm gonna love you
Like I'm gonna lose you
I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you

Songwriters: Caitlyn Elizabeth Smith / Justin Michael Weaver / Meghan Trainor
Like I'm Gonna Lose You lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc, Downtown Music Publishing, BMG Rights Management US, LLC

My kid can play! Canon in D (personal variation)

Sunday, February 12, 2017

25 QUOTES BY KENNETH E. HAGIN FOR VICTORIOUS A LIFE



 By Samuel Entsua ©2014-2016 Christ for Humanity Outreach
Reading from Dr. Kenneth E. Hagin of blessed memory is invigorating and faith fortifying. I have decided to bless your life today with a few of his words which will give you the power to walk in victory.
  1. People that think wrong believe wrong, and when they believe wrong, they act wrong.
  2. Our confession will either imprison us or set us free. Our confession is the result of our believing, and our believing is the result of our right or wrong thinking.
  3. The Holy Spirit knows what’s coming even if you don’t.
  4. Believe it in your heart; say it with your mouth. That is the principle of faith. You can have what you say.
  5. Success is always the result of following the leading of the Holy Spirit.
  6. Faith changes hope into reality.
  7. Feeling is the voice of the body; reasoning is the voice of the mind; conscience is the voice of the spirit.
  8. Central Truth: Prayer is successful only when it is based on the promises in God’s Word!
  9. Today is not as dark as some men would have you to believe. Today is not as desolate and desperate as the media so often portray. Today is the day of the Lord – a day of deliverance, a day of blessing, a day of visitation.
  10. Praying in tongues charges your spirit like a battery charger charges a battery.
  11. Be quick to repent and quick to forgive and you’ll never be far from God.
  12. If what you hear preached doesn’t cause faith to come and build faith in your spirit, then it either isn’t the Word of God or else you’re not hearing it
  13. Thoughts may come and persist in staying. But thoughts that are not put into word or action die unborn!
  14. Believers should never deal with doubts and fears because they are the devil’s narcotics.
  15. Jesus, in His earth walk, was the will of God in action. If you want to know what God thinks about sickness – look at Jesus! He went about healing the sick!
  16. Thinking faith thoughts, and speaking faith words, will lead the heart out of defeat and into victory.
  17. Stay put in the hard places, and you’ll eventually rest upon the mountaintop
  18. God’s richest blessings await those who follow after His Spirit, instead of being directed only by their senses and circumstances.
  19. God is glorified through healing and deliverance, not through sickness and suffering.
  20. Do not have any anxiety about anything.
  21. The bible, from Genesis to Revelation, is God’s I Will” to every seeker for full salvation of spirit, soul and body.
  22. God wants us to prosper. Our need, however, is to evaluate things as they should be evaluated – to esteem earthly things lightly – to put first things first.
  23. If you are not satisfied with what you have then check up on what you are saying.
  24. When God moves, everybody will be blessed. If something is of the flesh, everybody will have a sick feeling. And if something is of the devil, it seems like the hair will stand up on your neck. That’s a simple way everyone can judge, whether they’ve got any spiritual discernment or not.
  25.  Yes, sin, sickness and disease, spiritual death, poverty and everything else that’s of the devil once ruled us. But now, bless God, we rule them – for this is the Day of Dominion!
Any reproductions from this site must include a proper acknowledgement as follows: 
 By Samuel Entsua ©2014-2016 Christ for Humanity Outreach

Saturday, March 12, 2016

Spring 2016 updates, it has been a while...

Since my last blog entry, several months ago, a few things have happened.
The most exciting news is that I am now the proud grandmom of a beautiful baby girl! My oldest daughter had her in March 2016 and both are doing great! I may put some of her on occasion :) She is such a cutie, and yes,I know I am biased as her grandma, but really- she is adorable!
I was not really excited about the thought of being a grandmother, mostly because it confirms that I am, indeed, getting older.. no matter how badly I want to ignore it.
The other smaller event was my turning fifty. woohoo..yippee :/ whatever. It was a long year from 49-50. I was and may still be somewhat depressed. My hormones are up and down, hot flashes occur at any given time and my mood swings are lots of fun(Not)!
Since it was such a big turning point for me,  I was really hoping my family would have a celebration of some sort, as most of my friends' did.I was expecting my family would do a small party or dinner, at least a cake.😟. They did say happy birthday, and a few friends posted facebook greetings. I guess it should have been enough, but I felt greatly let down.
 Anyway, turning fifty and becoming a grand parent are enough, but my middle child graduated from college and now my baby boy is finishing elementary school and going into middle school! Geez!😲 They sure are growing old ;)  My son is not very enthused about it because he will be attending a smaller,private school in town and not public with most of his friends. It is going to be good once he settles in, but he isn't so sure just yet.
 My middle kid is moving from our home to her sister and brother in law's house.She babysits for them, so maybe now she will be on time in the morning ;) They were all living here from October 2015 til the baby was born. They just bought a house and are settling in to the every day task of keeping their head above the red- line water, known as homeownership. I wish them the best and they know we are right down the road if they need anything <3
 One thing my husband went through is having an eye stroke. I never even heard of such a thing until it happened to him. He has been having extremely bad headaches for several years, no known cause at this time, but they have been wicked bad for him to live through. He was sleeping and woke up to literally a blinding pain in his left eye. In the morning he realized he couldn't see in his left eye. He went to have it checked out and was told he had an eye stroke. He has peripheral vision but not central. They gave him steroid injections right into the eye ball,which helped minimally, but not a lot. His headaches are currently being held under control mainly by Excedrin migraine pills and indemethicin.  If he forgets them he knows by the slamming pain in his head.😥
 My worst ailment is being allergic to things, such as menthol, mint, latex, coconut, tree nuts, cats and a few other things. I will be having allergy testing to find out more, just what I need..more of life to avoid. sheesh.
 Thanks for keeping with this post the whole way through, and as a special treat for continuing on, I will post a photo of me holding my grand baby =D

She is so adorable! <3
Love and blessings,
LoriLC


Thursday, September 10, 2015

"90 Minutes in Heaven" Book/movie review





   90 Minutes in Heaven is a captivating story about a man who died in a car crash, yet lived to tell about it.
 Don Piper gives an account of his ordeal when he was in a terrible car wreck with a semi, got crushed to death, and found himself at Heaven’s gate.
He tells of the brilliance and beauty he saw while there, then the agonizing return when he was told it was not him time to be there, yet.
The story centers on his recovery, the family and friends who help him through it all, and his growing faith in the God who he realizes has never left his side.
  I recommend the book and movie to anyone who wonders what a near death experience was like, as well as those who love a good story.
 The informational links and movie trailer are also listed below.
 Have a blessed day!
 Love, Lori LC


Friday, April 17, 2015

Happy Spring has arrived!

I have been enjoying the last week's weather of warmer temps and more sunshine. Nearly all the snow has melted from our yard and I am able to get out and take walks after dinner, which is also my favorite time to photograph landscapes. I have been taking an online photography class and learning to shoot almost completely o manual mode, except for some auto focusing because wearing glasses is difficult when using the view finder.
 Here are a few pics taken this week while walking to the park in the neighborhood. I hope you enjoy them, and keep in mind that I am not a professional just a hobbyist who loves photography :)
I also posted some of the same on my photo blog,but added a few more here that are more recent.












Wednesday, October 29, 2014

GLEN CAMPBELL…I’LL BE ME . Movie review



  
In the movie, GLEN CAMPBELL…I’LL BE ME, we follow the story of music legend Glen Campbell and his final fare well concert series in 2012. Glen Campbell has been widely known for both country and contemporary music entertainment and has won  multiple Grammy Awards, Academy of Country Music awards, a Pioneer Award recognition, American Music Awards, Country Music Association Awards and Gospel Music Association Dove Awards.
 When he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease in 2011, he wanted people to know why he was slowly fading from the music scene. He went on a“Goodbye Tour,”with his family and put on quite a show. We see the behind the scenes look of how the love and support of his family helps him continue forward. It shows Glen and his wife, Kim, and their story of love, resilience and the power of song.
  The movie is coming out this month . You will  not be disappointed!

Here is a link to more info about Glen Campbell's...I'll Be Me:




There are also many videos of Glen Campbell, which I recommend to all who enjoy fine music!
Thanks!
Love and Blessings,
Lori LC

"Disclosure (in accordance with the FTC’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising”): Many thanks to Propeller Consulting, LLC for providing this prize for the giveaway. Choice of winners and opinions are 100% my own and NOT influenced by monetary compensation. I did receive a sample of the product in exchange for this review and post.
 Only one entrant per mailing address, per giveaway. If you have won the same prize on another blog, you are not eligible to win it again. Winner is subject to eligibility verification.”

Sunday, August 31, 2014

A Day at Hampton Beach



 I recently spent a day at Hampton Beach with a friend and her family. It was my first time there, which may be surprising since I live in NH and love being at the ocean. We left her house around 8:30 am. After nearly three hours of driving, we finally got our first glimpse of Hampton beach. I smiled and shouted hooray! We’re almost there!
Parking was not too difficult, it cost ten dollars for the day.
We unloaded and found a place on the sand, not far from the beach, near lifeguard chair 11.
Before the blanket and items were set out the kids were ready to run to the water. We applied sunscreen on the kids; I considered putting on sunscreen but decided to take my chances in hopes of getting some color since it was probably the last chance of sitting in the warm sun before fall set in.
Then they all ran down to the water. I wanted to run, too, but tried to act cool and moseyed down with the smaller children, who were hooting and hollering in excitement!  Seagulls and voices of happy beach goers added to the cacophony.
The waves and salty air welcomed me.When my feet reached the water i was prepared for chilly water but it was not too frigid. It was warmer than anticipated, so i strode out to nearly my knees.
The wind caused waves to blow salty water over me.There was an impending storm for the next day and the yellow flag by the lifeguard chair indicated rip tides.As I stood by the shore feeling the surf scoop sand away from my feet,  it reminded me of how life can be unpredictable and you could lose your footing if not cautious. 
 I watched the kids play as the waves pushed them farther away from where i stood. i kept waving for them to get closer to where i was but they were often too busy to even look up at me.
Yelling their name was almost useless because the wind and waves were too loud.
There were sailboats in the distance and I wondered how they were faring in the tumultuous wind.
Since my friends were watching the kids, I decided to go back to the blanket to relax.
I sat on my low beach chair and dug my feet in the sand, smiled and felt happy and at peace. :)

I later realized how much the wind and sun reddened my skin and should have put on sunscreen after all..
We all had a great time and are looking forward to our next day at the beach! :)

Thursday, August 7, 2014

Our visit to Clark's Trading Post in Lincoln,NH (Link to my post on other blog)

I recently took a day trip with my Mom and son to Clark's Trading Post in Lincoln,NH.

 Here is the link to my other blog with photos of our trip:
 Photo blog link

Thanks for checking it out!
~Lori LC